First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
