My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
