you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
