You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
