Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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