I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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