I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
