very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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