just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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