So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
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He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My breasts were aching with rage.
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I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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