Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
