at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
