I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
