he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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