I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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