My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
