So drunk its hurt
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
