I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
