when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
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In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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