for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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