Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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