you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
