So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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