I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
