is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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