Jerry, you need to find god
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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