Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Can Purell be used as lube?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
