There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
