When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
