she's into porn, im staying here tonight
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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