the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
