Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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