Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
