I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I need moral support for this bender
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
