You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
