i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
