but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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