when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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