The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
