I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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