I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
