ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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