Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
