If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
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Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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