I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
