I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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