i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We had sex on a dog bed..
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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