Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
