the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The Olympian is in my bed
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
