When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
