THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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