I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
