This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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