didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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