I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
