hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
