yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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