I should be sponsored by Trojan
He had one of those small greek statue penises
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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