I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
In America we eat man semen.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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