There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
