Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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