I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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