Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
