apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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