hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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