Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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