he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
