Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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