can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
