I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
