You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
